I have been going through hell to understand what you really desire from yourself to accomplish. I have been staring at you in the mirror and not understanding what you really want from this life. Sometimes, it feels like my life has no purpose at all. That I was born to add no value to anyone’s life.
I stare at you and all I want say is “what do you want from me ?” I have so many questions in my mind. I have so many answers either, but none of them can match any of the questions.
I always have a lot to say to people, to be that person who helps people talk and heal. Yet, I can never be that person to myself.
I spend two weeks feeling the worst feelings ever, then the next two weeks feeling the happiest person on earth. I spend days crying silently in my room, then I wear my beauty mask to face a world full of judgment.
I talk to myself when I am alone, talks I can never say out loud, talks I can’t face anyone with, because simply I don’t even have the words to explain what I am feeling. I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to construct a full sentence to express the chaos inside my brain and my heart.
I feel like a little bird trapped in a huge dungeon. This little bird can only fly inside that dungeon. This little bird wants to find a way out, out of this darkness, out of this sadness, out of this mess. This little bird wants to heal. This little bird wants to be free.